The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a cute story. You did a great job of pulling me in. I was sure I knew how it ended, but you put a twist on it I wasn't totally expecting. My biggest suggestion would be to make the dialog feel more realistic. It's very formal and not at all how people talk. In the next week or so, really pay attention to how people talk. Take notes about sentence length, slang, contractions, incomplete sentences and so on. You have the groundwork of a great story. It just needs some tweaking. You did a nice job of being on topic, and even though entertaining angels isn't exactly fresh, your POV was. Also one other thing okay should be spelled out or both letters capped OK. Congratulations on ranking 5th in your level and 15 overall. Happy Dance!