The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/20/17
It sounded like you had a good relationship with your grandchildren and the parts of your writing dealing with your interaction with them was touching, It is a shame how some parents and even grandparents rob the joy and innocence from children. A few red ink pointers hopefully will help you take your time before submitting to eliminate some little mistakes. The following errors took away from your piece: "utter amaze" instead of amazing. "at speed of light" instead of at the speed of light, "but can't seem trust even in eternal father" instead of "but can't seem to trust even in the eternal Father". Also the following sentence was confusing> "It wasn't long before the boy slunk back his eyes shocked pools of agony above tear stained cheeks."
03/20/17
I ran out of room without telling you that the passion you have for Christ and for little children was evident. Take more time to review your work and you will, I am sure, polish it up. Hope you take my red ink with the understanding the these are little things that are easily remedied. I will look for future writing. You had some really good points. God bless.