The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/02/17
This seemed like a good beginning to a much longer story with interesting and heartbreaking characters and situations. I found myself disappointed when it ended without happiness for the girl.

Red Ink: There were a few typos. Keep an eye out for verb tense consistency.
03/07/17
Interesting story!
This story of child abuse breaks my heart. You did a great job of bringing her to life. I sensed this was happening closer to 50 years ago. If that's true, you may want to use the past tense. If it is meant to take place today, maybe update some of the descriptions (most tomboys don't wear dresses, disposable diapers might be more common than cloth, etc.) You nailed the topic in a way that felt fresh and honest. The message is so clear. I stopped and prayed for all the Chandras of the world.
Another tiny red ink. You use the word anxious in the beginning, but I think you meant eager or excited. Anxious is commonly misused. Still you did a great job.
03/14/17
My heart goes out to the little MC in this touching and sober story.

You are an excellent writer and the pain and angst in the MC is palpable throughout this entire read.

If this is based on a true event it is even more heart rendering overall.

May the LORD's light shine on you,

Blessings~