The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 153 times
Member Comments
This was an absolute delight. I totally enjoyed your sense of humor and embarrassingly admit I could see a bit of myself in your MC. My main red ink would be to go back and count how many times you used an exclamation point. In a piece this size, one is more than enough (and save it for dialog). You do such a great job of using your words to do your exclaiming, the exclamation points are redundant. The ending was great, but a bit heavy-handed. The message was very clear and didn't need to be spelled out quite as blatantly as you did. Those things aside though, you have an excellent story. The topic is clear (and you didn't even need to use the topic word repeatedly!) and the message is one we can all relate to. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
You resurfaced the same emotions I feel when behind the wheel, and what a conviction! I need to deal with my own green. I enjoyed the story.
Loved this!