The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/21/16
The premise of this story is really good. There are some good reminders here.

I would suggested focusing more on your son's story, even if you have to fictionalize it some. Give us some dialogue. How and when did you know he was slipping away? What was his Jonah experience, and how did you find out about it? Focus on that, and then focus less on the more devotional parts of this. In the middle, bring your readers further in with the devotional aspect, then go back to your son's story, and at the very end, leave the reader with a really good "nugget" of truth.

Good job with this. You made me want to know more about your son's story.