The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/02/16
You did a good job depicting the despair and fright Lavender felt. One red ink comment I would make: Although you made it clear her calendar hung on the kitchen wall, I found the beginning of the forth paragraph a little confusing. I wanted to use the word "one" in the second sentence in that paragraph to modify the word "wall" instead of calendar.Maybe you could have written "Why did she not buy a calendar ..." And then in the next sentence use "This one had been..." Just my opinion, though.
I enjoyed this very descriptive piece. I could imagine what Lavender must have endured with each knock on the door.