The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 383 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
11/02/16
You did a good job depicting the despair and fright Lavender felt. One red ink comment I would make: Although you made it clear her calendar hung on the kitchen wall, I found the beginning of the forth paragraph a little confusing. I wanted to use the word "one" in the second sentence in that paragraph to modify the word "wall" instead of calendar.Maybe you could have written "Why did she not buy a calendar ..." And then in the next sentence use "This one had been..." Just my opinion, though.
I enjoyed this very descriptive piece. I could imagine what Lavender must have endured with each knock on the door.
11/02/16
Wow! I am so sorry. This obviously was supposed to be a comment on another entry. I don't know how this happened. Embarrassed.
11/02/16
I like how you drew me in with the excitement of the first paragraph. By the third, I was wanting to learn more about this quest of quietness you are on.
This really kept my attention. As one who constantly has to be aware of the time, I can appreciate the struggle to let it all go. I could learn a lot from Jack. I wanted to red ink the word "learnt" and turn it into "learned", but it seems that both are correct.
Thank you for your inspiring story.
11/30/16
You wrote "the Rhythm of God's clock and calendar" which reminded me of the Message Bible's textual paraphrase "The rhythm of God's grace..." There's something about grace and rhythm coexisting that speaks to my spirit much like Jack's life spoke to your MC.
12/07/16
Congratulations, Jennifer, on your 8th place EC win. Such vivid descriptions of the cycle of time though God's creation. Your story made me shut my eyes and try to imagine what it would feel like to experience time in this way.