The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Your poem is both moving and honest. I enjoyed the imagery and cadence of each stanza. Many people can relate to the despair that you expressed. Well done!
Red ink comment: in terms of punctuation, your use of commas disrupts the flow of your writing. For example, don't use a comma before the word 'began' in the first paragraph, nor before the word 'had'in the second. Also review the use of semicolons.
Keep on writing!
I thought the way you constructed your story was quite creative. You had a good message.
Very creative and moving piece. I think you could tighten up your writing. For ex. in the 2nd sentence, I think you could leave out "all at once".