The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/06/16
This is truly a compelling work of art and worthy of first place in my opinion. But I think you may be cutting yourself short by not spacing properly? Well done.
I found your story fascinating and I was eager to keep reading. I found myself rooting for you, even though I knew the fate had already been determined. The sadness I felt at the loss shows how you pulled me into the story. Make sure you have someone proofread it for you. There were quite a few little errors like capitalizing the first letter of common nouns (summer, the coach) and a comma before the word that (sometimes you need one, but often the rule is no comma before that, but a comma before which). Another typo I spotted was id instead of I'd. Those are all little things though and didn't really pull the story down any. Congratulations on ranking 7th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.