The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Loved the title and the humor. Well done.
05/26/16
Great dialogue. Interesting story. I really enjoyed your story.

One thing I noticed is when Henry talks about liking his gray hair, you put it as a new paragraph. It could continue with the previous paragraph since he's the one talking.

Nice job. Hope you do well with the judges.
05/27/16
Great story! I loved it! By properly using a "hobo" slang, you felt like you were right there by Henry's bedside! Great flow and humor!
You have excellent characterizations here.
The one thing that detracted from the story for me is that a great deal of rehabilitation would be needed after an extended coma, delaying a return home for many months.
Setting aside that detail, though, I really enjoyed this fun tale.
05/31/16
Great job!!

Blessings~
06/01/16
I liked this story, too. It definitely shows how quickly things have changed with technology. I really liked the humor and the lightheartedness of this piece.
06/01/16
I enjoyed your story and the creative way you approached the topic. Nice job!
Congratulations on ranking 7th in your level. Happy Dance!