The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
A lovely poem, however it does not relate to the topic.
I agree that it was a nice poem, but I couldn't see how it related to the topic either.
You did a pretty good job of being consistent with your syllable count for each line
Where some work is needed is with the meter, the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables, which enhances the reading flow of a poem. For more on meter, See Jan's excellent lesson on it in the forums.
Your love and care for your friend shines through beautifully.
This has a lot of passion in the lines. I can feel the empathy for the friend. It's wonderful how we can come before the Father for anything.
I meant to leave some red ink too. Be careful with the tense. For example, in the second stanza, you start with past tense, but then switch to future. You could fix it by switching will to would. Poetry isn't my strongest genre for sure, but your words touched my heart. You definitely shined a light on a very difficult subject, but one that definitely needs more awareness. Although, you did miss the topic, computers, I have a feeling God inspired you to write this for a specific purpose and believe God will use your words to help someone in ways you may not ever expect.
I enjoyed this!