Tethered By Shame | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Tethered By Shame | Previous Challenge Entry
By Catherine Craig
04/14/16
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Kit froze. In the van all eyes turned her way, waiting for Kit to answer the inquiry still reverberating in the uncomfortable silence. Kit could have sworn that in the rear-view mirror, she saw the van’s driver smirking after having tossed the question over her shoulder, “Have the police found your son yet?”

A warm flush of embarrassment worked upward from her neck and Kit tightened her lips into a grim line. Idiot! She thought. Where has hiding truth ever gotten you? Now everyone in church knew about the details she’d tried so hard to hide.

Kit’s recently arrived deeply troubled son from a previous marriage had had a history of serious impasses with the law. Since coming to live with Kit, he’d spiraled downhill.

Looking sideways at the other women returning from their Christian Women’s Retreat, she thought, No more urban Christian homemaker. She would forever be branded a mother of a felon.

Straightening, Kit returned to the present. Surprised at the intensity of a twenty-year-old memory, she took a calming sip of tea and sighed. “How cruel people can be.”

“What’s that?” her husband, Steve asked and expertly flipped an egg.

Thankful for this kind man, her third husband who adored cooking, Kit smiled. Closing her eyes, she savored the heavenly aroma of decadent greasy bacon and buttery fried eggs before answering. “Oh, I was just thinking about Joey.”

“What about your son?”

“Just past stuff.”

“Oh,” Steve said, setting a plate in front of Kit.

She sat and stared.

“Something wrong?”

“No.” Kit shook off the blanket of melancholy trying to cloud her morning and smiled at him. “It’s nothing. These look great!”

Steve frowned. His eyes – the color of milk chocolate – bore into hers. “Cut the pretending. I know you better than that. Where did your mind go?”

“Alright, already!” Kit held up her hands in mock surrender. “I was remembering when that woman in the van looked down her self-righteous nose at me after being catty over Joey.”

He shot her a pitying look.

“She blind-sided me.”

“She hit a nerve.” Steve patted her shoulder. “You were ashamed.”

“Yeah. I hid Joey, tried to keep him a secret.” Kit shook her head. “I was worried about us.”

“I know.” Steve’s sympathetic expression warmed Kit’s heart.

“No one understood,” she said hearing a hint of bitterness in her voice. Irritated, Kit stood up and gathered dishes to take to the sink. Steve raised his eyebrows at the clatter she made, banging things around. “Why are we talking about this?” She heard the scrape of his chair and felt his arms go around her as she stood at the sink.

“Why not?”

Kit blinked back tears. “I don’t know!” Steve tightened his arms. When she tried to shrug him off, he forced her to turn around. Kit’s voice was thick with tears, her words muffled against his chest. “It’s been twenty years and I still feel the disgrace!”

“It’s not yours, Kit. It’s his.”

Kit pulled away and, lowering her eyes as a wave of shame engulfed her, whispered, “It’s deeper than that. I was a fake, a charlatan. I cared more about my reputation than Joey.” Steve tipped her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his and she shuddered. “When my first marriage fell apart, so did Joey’s life. Tracy turned him into a pawn by depriving me of him and then dumped Joey on my doorstep.” Tears brimmed her eyes and spilled over as she sobbed. “Joey’s social worker asked if Joey was a “throw away kid!” Kit sniffed and reached for a tissue.

“Oh, honey, you did everything – I was there also! Remember?” Steve’s voice trailed off.

“We both tried.” She sighed, feeling just plain tired. “In spite of our best intentions, Joey did a ten year term. We couldn’t save him.”

“You’re forgetting something.”

“What?”

“No, it’s who – the Lord.”

“Oh.” Kit hiccupped.

“God had plan. Besides, without Jesus and his arduous but rewarding journey, Joey wouldn’t be helping to turn other boys’ lives around, would he?”

“No,” Kit answered, giving him a tremulous smile.

“Kit, you’ve carried this shame for too long.” At her nod, Steve took Kit’s hand. They bowed their heads and Steve began, “Dear Lord…”

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