The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/15/16
This is VERY good. I like your showing of the story. Great descriptions and dialogue. I saw some places I believe need commas, and after the fourth para. you transitioned well into the next scene, however, you might want to show it also with a punctuated scene break.(***)
Great job!
God Bless
04/15/16
Well done. You managed to portray several different emotions with the various characters. Believable.
04/16/16
This story was authentic in tone, content and delivery.
Well done!

Blessings~
04/19/16
Well written. Good dialogue and great showing not telling.
Congratulations on ranking 10th in your level. Happy Dance!