The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.




TRUST JESUS TODAY





  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: SOCIAL (04/07/16)
A Party Waiting to Happen

“Ready babe?” Tara rubbed her lips together and filled the bathroom with Estee Lauder’s “Beautiful” scent.

Ben grunted from the recliner. His brows furrowed behind the newspaper.

Heels clip clopped down the hall.

“Wow!” Ben dropped the paper into his lap. “Look at you, gorgeous.”

His delight turned to dismay as his wife snapped, “Be – en! You’re not even dressed.”

“You know it only takes me five minutes.” He left the room.

Tara sighed and scanned the contents of her shimmery silver purse. Long, manicured fingernails touched a perfectly wrapped and ribboned gift.

Moments later, Ben returned with a half-smile on his face. This time he sighed, keys jangling in his hand.

“Come on, it’s not that bad.” Tara brushed her lips against his cheek stubble.

“Maybe for you, Miss Social Butterfly.”

Tara rolled her eyes.

As they careened down the streets, Ben grew quieter. Tara’s face brightened as they pulled up at Sally’s place.

Stepping onto the curb, the full moon illuminated the nature strip. The sound of rock music led them around the house to the backyard. Men and women mingled around food tables, sipping alcoholic beverages. Mouth-watering barbequed prawns, calamari rings and seafood sticks were arranged on glass platters. Off to the side, a large chocolate mud cake tantalised the taste buds.

“Happy birthday, Sal!” Tara thrust the present in her friend’s hands after enveloping her in a bear hug.

“Thanks Tara. Hi Ben. Welcome.”

Ben kissed Sally’s cheek, “Happy birthday.”

Sally took Tara’s hand, calling over her shoulder, “Help yourself to everything, Ben.”

Feeling his stomach knot, Ben cracked open a beer and took a gulp. After a few awkward minutes standing alone, a guy approached.

“Sam.” He shook Ben’s free hand.

“Ben.”

“You must be Tara’s husband.”

Ben nodded.

“We were friends at university. She hasn’t changed.”

The men gazed at the group of girls in cocktail dresses and high heels standing beside the present table. Tara’s guffaw could be heard above their chatter and the background music.

“How’s that?” Ben stroked his chin.

“Always the life of the party.” Sam patted Ben’s shoulder. “Come and pull up a chair, mate.”

Ben followed, his thoughts flashing back to their wedding day. His beautiful bride chatting endlessly at their reception. Her big smile as friends and family surrounded her. How he never worried about what he would say when she was near. Tara had enough words for them both.

“You right, babe?” she winked, passing by with a knowing smile.

Ben grunted.

As the party wore on, Ben hadn’t moved from his spot near Sam and the guys. His wife sat near him eating her meal. Then she was gone again, like a feather in the wind.

“Happy Birthday” was sung, followed by backyard karaoke. Tara enjoyed being in the spotlight, belting out the hits with her girlfriends. Ben shook his head, amazed at her confidence. He wouldn’t be caught dead onstage.

In the car motoring home later, Tara glared at Ben with wide green eyes. “Why don’t you try?”

“Huh?” Ben glanced at her briefly.

“Why don’t you try at parties?” Tara’s tone rose.

Ben was quiet.

“Grrr! You’re so frustrating!”

Ben yawned and turned the radio on.

“No!” Tara pressed the power button. “We need to have this out. It’s always the same. You don’t make any effort to socialise. It’s like you’d rather live under a rock.”

Ben frowned. He weighed his next words carefully. “I love you, babe. But my idea of recharging at the end of the week is watching a movie at home with you in my arms.”

Tara’s expression softened a little. “Sometimes I think you’d prefer to be a bachelor.”

“My days of pub crawls and parties are over, thank the Lord. You’re my party waiting to happen.” Ben reached for Tara’s hand. “I married an extrovert. But you can’t turn me into one.”

Tara pondered his words. “Two years of being married to you and you’d think we’d have worked each other out by now.”

“Babe, we’ve only just begun.”

Ben squeezed Tara’s hand as he blinkered in to the driveway. He breathed a sigh of relief. Time for his recharge.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 376 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Francie Snell 
04/14/16
This ends with a heart warming message. My red ink suggestion is to watch carefully your verb usage. For example: In the 1st sentence where you write "filled the room", It's unclear how she did that. Did she pour perfume all over the place or did she spray the air?
Also, when you use "careened" to describe his driving, it sounds like he was driving out of control. Hope that helps.

I did love reading your story.
God Bless
Brenda Rice
04/14/16
I like your story. Your characters are real and believable. Your dialogue is good and moves the story along.

Good job.
Larry Whittington
04/16/16
I like how you have shown God has made us different in our "range of socialability". Both are good and both are correct. It is how God has made his creations. It is us to each of us to find our place and fulfill God's will for us as he has made us.

I liked what you wrote and your writing style.
C D Swanson 
04/16/16
Beautiful. This was an easy and enjoyable read.

Well done.

Blessings~
Joe Moreland
04/16/16
Great job of showing us an introvert living in the world of an extrovert. I loved how you boiled it down to the sounds. The loudness of her activities and the quiet of Ben sitting with the other men. You set this tone very early on with the "clopping" of her heels down the hall to Ben sitting and reading in the living room. It was a subtle background that said it all--it wasn't even necessary to use the words extrovert or introvert because you showed it to us so well.

This is an excellent piece that drew me in and, almost before I knew it, the story was over and I wished for more. Great job!
Bill Price
04/16/16
A real slice of life piece. You stayed on topic and the story flowed. The wife seemed to be the alpha character in the story but it was written with the husband as the MC, I think. Anyway, it was a nice, dynamic and hit true in a lot of places. I enjoyed my time reading your entry. A very good job.
Loni Bowden-Horn
04/17/16
This story flowed well and the dialogue was very believable. I liked the two different perspectives of each character.
Ellen Carr 
04/21/16
I very much enjoyed your story. The characters rang true and you showed the extrovert and introvert personalities very well. A tiny 'red ink' comment: perhaps the tenses in these 2 places would have read better this way (suggested changes in brackets). ...Ben hadnt moved (didn't move) from his spot near Sam ... AND ...Happy Birthday was sung (They sang Happy Birthday).... But, very well written!