The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 359 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/17/16
Interesting missionary story. Although the topic was touched on, it didn't seem to be the central theme.
I liked your vivid descriptions of the land. I don't know if the topic was central to the theme. I liked the flow of the story.I may have started the story of looking through the microscope and creeated a mystery of the water. Well-Written job.
I liked your vivid descriptions of the land. I don't know if the topic was central to the theme. I liked the flow of the story.I may have started the story of looking through the microscope and creeated a mystery of the water. Well-Written job.
03/21/16
Powerful story, and well written this multi layered piece.

Excellent work.

Blessings~
03/24/16
Congratulations on your Highly Commended article!
03/24/16
Congrats Bonnie!
I loved this piece which is so worthy of an EC!
Blessings~
03/24/16
I know it was for an HC, just throwing in my "two cents." LOL
Blessings~
03/24/16
Congrats on your Highly Commendable rating. I enjoyed the piece and was captivated by the vivid landscape imagery.
03/24/16
I thought this was very well written. Congratulations on your Highly Commended win.
Bonnie, Congratulations on your highly commendable rating. I really liked your vivid descriptions and flow of story.
Congrats!
This is really fascinating. I was fully entrenched in the entire story. You did slip into more telling at times, which is hard with historical fiction, but don't be afraid to show how things didn't go as planned. Use a bit more body language and dialog. You really have a solid foundation. I love your passion and desire to share it with others. If you'd ever like me to show you more how I might show, don't be afraid to drop me a note. You are a good and faithful servant and I look forward to seeing your name each week. Congratulations on ranking 5th in your level and 20th overall. Happy Dance!
03/25/16
This was interesting and informative, and the anecdotes testified well to the difficulties of this mission.
The retelling of history requires the writer to select carefully, the stories to include, and it helps to have a theme, I think - a reason for the reader to have a new thought about the subject. I always look for a good "hook" in the opener of a story - something to get me in. To create both a "hook" and a theme here, maybe the introduction could hint at the lesson learned at the end. Something like, "Many a missionary has considered it part of the sacrifice of their calling to take their families into dangerous or difficult situations. Such a decision faced Dr David Livingstone..." ...just a thought...hope it helps.
Congratulations on your top 20 finish.