The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 247 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/17/16
It is so easy to compare ourselves against others, but I'm glad God made each of us special in our own way.
03/18/16
I enjoyed this. I rather identified with Peggy. It seems as though she smeared herself.
03/21/16
Excellent story! And, right on topic too...well done.

Blessings~
I enjoyed this story. Sadly, I can relate to the MC way more than I'd like to admit. I used to think whenever I heard laughter, the people must be laughing about me. It took me years to realize how egotistical that was. In truth, they didn't even notice me, let alone laugh. Still very sad, but altogether a different problem.

I noticed some spots where you incorrectly used semicolons, which are meant to join two phrases that could be complete sentences on their own. I can tell you're working on showing, and you have some great examples. I'd urge you to go even farther. For example, I might edit it something like this: When Peggy heard the girls down the corridor snickering, she hunkered down in her chair and frowned. I bet they're making fun of me--the social zero. I can't do anything right. I thought people would act like adults in the real world, but it's just like living my high school years all over again. I can't take it anymore! Sniffling, she wiped off her snot with the sleeve of her sweater while glancing around to see if everybody saw her bawling like a newborn calf. (I was tempted to use newborn baby, but that is clich. Instead I used the cow reference because it could speak volumes about why she doesn't fit in. Perhaps she is overweight, a country girl, a misfit. Plus if you've ever heard a calf bawl... :)

Overall, I think you did a fine job of writing on topic in a fresh way. I liked that God spoke to your MC. I can really tell you want everyone to know how powerful God's Word and presence can be in our lives if we only open the door. Great job.