The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/10/16
You had a good application, but I thought the beginning went on too long and got dull. Maybe because I've already been through it all too. Also in one of latter paras. you used "accomplishment". That was incorrect there. If I remember it should have been 'accomplish'.
03/10/16
Medicare and all government programs are difficult to understand.

I think your story would have more interesting if you would have added more personal touches and humor.
03/11/16
Great job and so pertinent to today and the health care policies and such...well done.

God bless~
03/16/16
I agree with the earlier comments, that the details (particularly in para 3) bogged it down a bit.
However, you took the opportunity provided by a bad experience to create a good one - in giving the gospel, and that's commendable. Perhaps a stronger tie between the personal account and the gospel would've strengthened the message.