The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/11/16
Wonderful illustration of how sin creeps into what could have been a healthy fruit.
02/12/16
I noticed you re=used the word mango in close proximity. I also think you needed to split up the second paragraph so that it wouldn't be so long. Some good truths nevertheless.
You have three good illustrations which fall short of piercing because they are each just touched on.
You obviously have a great grasp on spiritual truths and desire to communicate them creatively. If you focus on one point it will be more effective given the constrained word count.
Keep honing your craft. Your voice is needed in the Kingdom.
02/18/16
Great message!

Blessings~
Good illustrations on how sin can enter our lives. If we don't examine our hearts, we may be enticed by the wrong fruits.
The flow of your piece would be better if you broke up the paragraphs.
If you use dialogue, it needs a different paragraph for each speaker to avoid confusion.
Great message.