The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 384 times
Member Comments
creative way of bringing home a truth; well-written
I have wanted to see War Room for so time now. Creative story about forgotten prayers.
This is a cute fictional take on the affect of watching War Room. My one suggestion is to show more than tell.
Good job.
I really had fun reading this -- even as I was convicted a little bit. Good jo.
You did a phenomenal job with the topic...I loved the entire entry, inspiring and uplifting.

The War Room was a dynamo movie and so is your entry!

God bless~
I think you made some great points in this charming story. I know I'll vow to pray more often, but somehow life gets in the way, and time passes too quickly. This is a great reminder for me. I thank you for that. I also stopped and prayed for you right now. I try to do that when I write feedback, but sometimes I forget. I'm glad you reminded me.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the "it was all a dream" scenario. It can be a bit of a clich along with the mysterious stranger who was an angel. Instead, I'd have loved to see you leave it open ended. I could picture her climbing out of the basement, but never figuring out how the Post-its got down there. Perhaps the basement was something like a dead-letter bin in the post office. Unaddressed or forgotten prayers end up in the basement. That would be an out-of-the-box ending (maybe too far out). ;)

I think you had some nice descriptions. I liked words liked jaunt and smeared. They create a vivid picture in my mind. You've got a start on showing not telling, but take it even farther. For example:
Her body slid down a metallic chute. In between the clang, ba-boom, and ping-a-ting, she screamed, "Help! Falling headfirst, she landed. Plop.. Wrinkling her nose, the sour stench of mildew wafted into her nostrils. "Ewwww, gross."

That's just an example to show you one way to make it pop even more. You definitely have a good grasp on the idea, but you need to embrace it even more, and it'll elevate your story from great to outstanding.

I liked how the whole story was about her resolution to pray more. Even though you didn't mention the word until the end, you were still on topic. Because of that, I don't think you needed that last line. It felt a wee bit forced to me.

You did do a great job though. I think it was well-written. You developed your character nicely. I had a genuine sense about her good intentions. I enjoyed the bits of dialog to help break up the story. Your transitions felt smooth and natural to me too. I can definitely feel your passion in your words. Keep up the good work. I've no doubt God will use your words to touch people in ways you might never expect.

This is certainly out of the box and a unique take on the topic. I've never heard of The War Room so I need to track it down, but in the meantime I enjoyed your cute, light hearted story and the worthy message that it brings. Well done!
Congratulations on ranking 8th in your level. Happy Dance!