The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/08/15
Thanks for all your hard work, and for sharing this story. Best of luck in the Challenge!
This is a great story. You do a wonderful job of painting a picture for the reader. I could feel the suspense build as the father came in. I wasn't sure how you were going to fit the topic in, but I think you did a nice job of it with Jess. These problems are real and more people deal with theses types of situations than we can imagine. I pray everyone has a Jess in her life. We all need reminding that Jesus is here waiting for us. Nice job on a difficult subject.
10/10/15
Powerfully moving and touching...excellent job with the topic.

God Bless~
10/11/15
The only negative I saw was when Jess pointed to the picture and said "her mother had given it to her." It sounds like Jess' mother had given it, when we are in Lillian's room. Am I confused here?
10/11/15
Great story. I could see the hopelessness of your mc. Yay for Jess and not giving up on her friend.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
A beautifully poignant story about how love can transcend any difficult situation we are facing if we walk with Jesus beside us.

Congratulations on your sixth place finish in the advanced category