The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/03/15
Very profound commentary this introspective and truthful piece. We're all prone to human feelings because we live in this flesh body, but sooner of later...God will always speak to us, as He did so wisely with His passage to you.

You touched my heart with your story.

May God bless you abundantly~
09/03/15
Thank you for sharing thiis devotional. Your joy and then frustration are very evident in the first part through your writing style. If I could make one suggestion, then it might be good to save the exclamation marks for certain expressions of emotion. I do really like your choice of vocabulary, like accolades, that make the piece that much more interesting.
09/03/15
Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow. Gratefully, your MC turned to the true source of everlasting life: Our Heavenly Father. Keep writing.
09/05/15
This story really touched my heart. God bless you, and may you always know you are never alone.
Oh I related right away. I did a story about this topic earlier this year for a challenge. My daughter lives right next to her in-laws and the other grandmother gets to babysit every day. I really work on my jealousy issues. I give it to Jesus one day, only to wake up the next day and yank it back. I so related to your MC and wanted to reach through the screen and hug her.

Many writers will hear do more showing and less telling. While your piece is good, it's almost all telling. Add some body language, dialog, and thoughts to do more showing. For example: , When I spotted the picture of my daughter-in-law and my grandson hanging out with her mother, I dropped the phone and clutched my bubbling stomach. Tears filled my eyes. I don't understand. She said she couldn't come see me because she wanted to relax before school started. I can't believe she lied to me. If my husband were still alive..."

As I reread your piece, I did notice you did some nice showing with phrases like tears stung the back of my eyelids. I would urge you to do even more of that. I know my example might not be a perfect fit, but I wanted to show you what I mean. Also, try to reserve exclamation points for dialog. Instead, let your words do your exclaiming.

I like how God spoke to you in the end. He is so wonderful that way. Your Bible verse was a great fit too. You have a wonderful message in there, and it's a reminder that I need often. I will write down gems on my windows like the ones in your story to remind me God has a purpose for me. Nice job.
09/09/15
I loved the last sentence. We definitely need to trust God and leave the consequences up to Him. Well written.