The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 364 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I enjoyed this because this is definitely different than other getaways. It intrigued me. I'd love to go on a retreat with my husband, but not sure if I could go where there was no talking. :) However, a retreat is a great idea.

In my opinion, the opening dialog was a bit long. Some experts suggest to not start a story with dialog at all, I don't always agree, but in this case, it did seem too long to find out who was speaking and to whom. You might want to consider a quick introduction of the MC with some body language.
Be careful of using the universal you like in this line: All you could hear was the rain. Since I wasn't there, I couldn't hear the rain. Instead keep the voice consistent and say, All I could hear...

I enjoyed your descriptions. Little details like hearing the rain really help to pull the reader into the story. You definitely nailed the topic while giving some great advice and something for the reader to think about. Nice job.
08/03/15
Excellent job with the topic. I loved your delivery and the content in which you've managed to bring forth an intriguing and interesting story.

God bless~
08/06/15
Congratulations!

God bless~
08/06/15
Congrats on your placement. Your entry is very good.
08/09/15
I too think the quote at the beginning was misplaced. The story deserved a stronger beginning. However, I like the discovery in this piece. I am just like you. I have to be out and about and living my faith in the crowd, but it would be nice to find a place of quiet, for a a day so anyway. This work made me think and feel. Thank you.