The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 534 times
Member Comments
This is lovely. I like the idea of a surprise getaway. I've never done anything like that, and it sounds intriguing. I tend to stick to what is comfortable, but you encourage me to spread my wings.

I noticed a very small POV shift. Since the story is told in the first person, 'I' is the main character, and the reader can only know what the MC feels, hears, thinks, or says. When you mentioned Laurie eagerly wishes to know, you were shifting into her mind. Instead consider showing what her eagerness looks like. For example: Laurie bounced her knees, leaned forward with her arms resting on the table. "Tell me more so I have ideas of what to do."

Some of your taglines felt forced and may have needed some body language to help set the scene. Take the first line, it would be great to see the setting and mood to help paint a picture. For example, Laurie bounds into my kitchen and plops down at the table. Tugging at my arm, she almost yanks me into the chair next to her. "Tell me about..."

I think you did a good job of writing on topic. You definitely created a fun atmosphere, and I could tell the two women were friends, good ones too. I think your descriptions of the trip helped me understand your character. Your ending was sweet and left me feeling good and wondering if my husband would enjoy something like that too. Nice job.
I loved your entry.

It reminded me of the time I surprised my hubby for our 30th Anniversary and made arrangements to stay at a
B & B in Cooperstown, NY to see the Baseball Hame of Fame. It was an unexpected and relaxing weekend, with a lot of great memories.

Your story was lovely and touching. Great job!

God bless~
This is a pleasant entry and is perfectly on topic. I would second some of the things Shann wrote in her above comment, and encourage you try some test paragraphs employing her suggestions.

Keep it up! I can't wait to see you in level 4!
Warm and engaging descriptions - worthy of a potential travel guide writer.