The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Very dramatic storytelling. The short staccato sentences really enhance the piece. The title really got my attention.

Red Ink: More white space between paragraphs would make it easier to read. I believe you're suppose to leave your name off of the story, so people can't identify you.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Congratulations on your 6th place in Advanced. I'm glad you decided to write again; I can't wait to read more.