The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/13/15
Fresh story, creative and a great message. Good job!
This is a wonderful story. I found myself hanging on to every word. You did an amazing job of painting a picture. I could almost feel the cold and hear the roar of the snowmobiles.

My red ink is minor. I noticed several incomplete sentences. They work in the part after the crash, showing the intensity of the MC's thought and how they were just flashes in her head. The earlier ones distracted me just a bit. Also make sure you use a comma with conjunctions (like and, but, or) that connect two independent clauses.

Your ending was perfect. It left me with a sense of peace. God is always with us, even when we stubbornly ignore his voice. (I hate to admit how much I can relate to that. :) ) I liked the way you sprinkled the topic throughout the entire story. It was a delightful read from beginning to end.
This was a wonderful story from beginning to end. It was very creative how your dog Chance saved your life.
06/18/15
Congratulations, Hannah on placing 10th in the EC this week.

Your story was riveting from beginning to end. I felt like I was right there with your team!