Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER (don’t write about the song) (04/30/15)
TITLE: Always My Little Bro
By Sandra Wells
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Or, can our time of prayer be a time of desperation, sorrow, and yes, anger? Do we shake our fists, scream in anger, sob through grief, question Godâ€™s will and timing; all the while thanking Him for allowing us to vent our deepest, darkest feelings, and loving us still.
Our time of prayer is not always sweet. There are times; such as I am enduring, when our prayers are raw, passionate, angry, primal and desperate. Times when we may feel as if our hearts have been crushed, and putting one foot in front of the other requires strength we donâ€™t posses. Times when memories bring tears, and being alone cause us to feel as if weâ€™re suffocating. This time of prayer is reserved for times of loss, grief and sorrow: Such as, the death of a brother.
My world, and the world of my sister and our entire family imploded a few days ago. Our brother, the gentle giant, wounded eagle, humble maker of peace, teller of tales, man of faith; my personal hero and six foot something, fifty seven year oldâ€”Little Bro, died. He was my little Bro and I was his Sis; our birthdays were meant for eating cake, and our love was never questioned. We were all going to grow older together telling stories of our youth, and laughing at our aches and pains. We were supposed to watch our grandchildren grow up, and celebrate all the milestones together as a family. We were supposed toâ€¦but we didnâ€™t, we canâ€™t. It wasnâ€™t supposed to happen like this, yet it did. Dan went Home before we expected, before we wanted; and we are left to grieve.
These past few days my prayers have not been sweet, but rather stripped to the bone raw. God has heard my silent and not so silent screams; my gut wrenching sobs, my lashing anger, my desperate desiresâ€¦my suffocating grief. My family and I had been preparing ourselves for the time when we would lose our aged father, just as we lost our mother a few years ago. But, no one prepared us, nor taught us, how to say good-bye to our little brother. We have to learn this one day, one minute, and one agonizing breath at a time: The journey is painful, tear filled, and prayerful.
This past week, today included, has been bitter sweet. More bitter than sweet. On the one hand I can rest in the assurance that my little bro is in Heaven with Jesus and our mother and other loved ones. What could be more glorious than to be in the presence of Jesus? To see His face, hear His voice, and marvel in His embrace. As the song says, â€śI can only imagine.â€ť But, while I give thanks for where my brother is, I also grieve his absence in our lives. One day, Iâ€™m sure, I will think of my brother with a smile. I will grow comfortable, if thatâ€™s the word, with his absence, knowing that I will see him again. One day the sweet will outweigh the bitter. Today however is not that day.
This past week my prayer time has been raw, primal and bitter sweet. I am eternally grateful that we have a God who loves us so much that He hears our cries, and feels our every tear. I am eternally grateful that my brother stepped from this world and into Jesusâ€™ arms. I am thankful that I will one day see my little bro again, and until that day I will continue to pray. Some will be sweet; others may be bitter. All will be heartfelt. Thank you Jesus for your love.
Iâ€™m not expecting my article to rank high, and thatâ€™s fine. I needed to be able to put my feelings into words, and writing this piece helped. I said good-bye to my little bro today, and finishing this piece is helping, even though Iâ€™m typing through tears. God bless you all.
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