The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/16/15
Interesting read with the running internal thoughts of mommy, along with her "needs" being pushed aside to tend to the children and house.

Well done, good writing!

God bless~
Loved it! Good writing! Hope you win! :)
One note, I think it probably happened on the transfer from text entry, all the apostrophes and quotation marks changed to Os with marks over them.
01/22/15
Congrats!
God bless~
This is brilliant. I loved it. You had me giggling and then groaning get with your MC. I think your out-of-the-box approach on the topic was delightful and something anyone with kids could definitely relate to.

My only suggested would be to maybe throw some action in with the monologue to make it easier to follow. Not a lot, perhaps just a few lines her and there. Maybe a few lines in a narrative third person format to distinguish from her thoughts and other dialog. Example: "Mommy!"
As the sounds of splashing milk and cereal crunching under someone's feet reached her ears, Mommy cringed. Seriously? How many ways can those kids make a mess? I bet it was Rosemary "accidentally" spilling her cereal again. Please, even in this state of no sleep, I can read her like a book. A book, I hope she didn't hear me think those words! I just need a --
Just then Rosemary charged at Mommy with books falling out of her arms and plopping on the floor.
"Mommy, read! "
I purposely went a bit overboard and deviated a bit from your story just to show you what I meant by being able to still have her musings while showing the chaos around her.

Overall, you did a brilliant job with this one. It's definitely one of my favorites that I've read thus far. Your ending was great to and left me with a smile and a good feeling.
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 25 overall!