The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/31/14
Great ending! Excellent piece of writing.

God bless~
11/02/14
Thanks for sharing your creative fiction. One suggestion is to watch for over-use of the comma - I have the same habit, and try to make less use of them than more (although sometimes they must be used.) Comma's sometimes tend to make a sentence read choppy - especially in fast moving fiction. I also try to avoid over-use of descriptive language in a setting; sometimes less is more.