The Official Writing Challenge
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Very well written piece This was quite a story, I was riveted from the first word to the last.

Well done.

God bless~
Very powerful and a great lesson here. Well done.
This is a very original and clever take on the topic, and its message is very strong. Thank you for sharing.
Very Creative! You kept me guessing his real identity.

I know you are new, but I'll give some advice I needed when I was new. You need to leave an extra line to show the break between paragraphs.

This would also be a great devotional.
I like this kind of writing. Very clever, keeps you wondering to the end. Glad you got Mr. R off your back.

Blessings, LaVonne
This was a very creative take on this topic.
That was great story Jo. I loved the way you brought out a spiritual truth through great story-telling. By about a third of the way through, I realised that Mr R was probably going to turn out to be something spiritual, but I didn't guess exactly what until you revealed him. I also think using the word 'freeloaders' was good because it would make the story more accessible to someone with an unchurched background. Well done!
A very intriguing approach to the problem of destructive self-talk, with a positive close. Well done.