The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/08/14
What a lovely story. I like your humor and I really like the message.

Your ending is interesting, too.
Thanks for sharing.
08/09/14
Great job with this! Well written, well told in content, delivery and meaning!

God bless~
You do a wonderful job of building the suspense. By setting up the conflict right off, you propel the reader onward.

The only red ink would be to limit some of the taglines like she asked or he said. Instead use that space to show the personality of the characters. For example: Initially, his wife jumped back, then concern etched her face. "Honey, what are you doing up at this hour?"
It may not be the perfect picture you're trying to create, but I hope it shows what I mean.

II especially enjoyed the messages in this stunning piece. You have a lot of story with such a limited word count. That's not easy to do, but you make it look easy. The ending is the perfect way to bring your story full circle and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
08/12/14
Wow!

Your writing had my mind glued to the page and sitting at the edge of my seat.

You have such a passion with your words.

I got a little confused toward the end.

When the youngest son visited his mother, and who was saying what in a couple of the sentences.

This is a great piece.

"Well done!" Keep up the good work!
This is brilliant. That is my humble opinion and I stand by it. If this doesn't garner an EC, I don't know what will. Thank you for a satisfying, engaging story.
This is brilliant. That is my humble opinion and I stand by it. If this doesn't garner an EC, I don't know what will. Thank you for a satisfying, engaging story.
08/13/14
You developed a fabulous story and wrapped it up with an even more stunning conclusion. Great storytelling!
08/13/14
Interesting story - very creative. Now you've got me wondering what happened next.
08/13/14
That was very engaging. Kept me reading to find out what was going to happen next!

I got just a little bit confused toward the end, when Peter was talking with the pastor. At first it made me think that Peter was somehow related to the woman. On second reading it made sense, that his two sons may follow a similar path and need guidance and prayer.

I love how the ending trailed off and left the rest up to the reader's imagination.