The Official Writing Challenge
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I enjoyed this story. I love historical fiction (or maybe this is based on a true story.) The reader certainly gets pulled in to the grandfather's memories and emotions. That takes talent.

In the paragraph that begins, "How could he explain..." I was thinking you meant to use the word "for" instead of "by." Also the sentence that follows that was confusing to me.

These small items did not detract from the powerful and heartfelt story you have written.

A tear-jerker, this one. Thanks.
Wow, what an incredible story
I like how you developed your characters. The dialogue between Mollie and Grandpa was realistic and age appropriate. And I also like how you introduced your flashback in the story.


I would like to have seen a stronger tie to the topic. Your one sentence reference to the "end of the world" was the only reference that I could see that related to the topic. If the "end times" referred to Grandpa, you might want to consider how to focus more on that angle...something like his need to return Lucy because he felt his end was near, etc.

Your ending sentence was just right. :-)
Powerfully moving this emotional entry. Well written, on topic, and I loved the ending when he was convicted to bring the "doll home" where she belonged.

Excellent job!

God bless~
Wow what an intense piece. This ripped at my heart. I think you did a wonderful job of tackling the topic in such a fresh and creative way. For me, not only was the war and devastation a sign in the MC's mind that end times were here, but I saw the taking of the doll, the need for revenge--against an innocent baby nonetheless, a brilliant take on the end times of the man who once was. War does horrible things to our hearts. Your piece made me stop and pray for all who are fighting some senselessness that shall forever write on the slate of each soldier's soul. Wow! Intense and thought provoking.

The red ink I would offer would be to remember to start a new paragraph when someone different speaks or acts. Also, although I'm not a big title reader, make sure your title doesn't give away your ending.

Overall, I think you did a splendid job. Your message of the senseless killings rocked my world and allowed me to see it with different eyes. Bless you.

Congratulations on ranking 7th in your level and 23 overall.