The Official Writing Challenge
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02/27/14
Awww...I loved this!
I felt the conflict and struggle of the "smaller MC" and her frustration at always losing the "stick game."

I loved the mom's quiet wisdom in assuring her child that all would be well, and to trust her. The child's compassion upon realizing her brother had to let go of the bike was very grown up and beared wisdom like her mom.

Sweet and so well written, I loved it. And, you nailed the topic perfectly.

Excellent job!

God bless~
02/27/14
I enjoyed this completely. You captured the emotions of both children.

I loved the way the sister gave her savings to Mom so her brother could have a new bike.

I think is a great use of the topic. It is one of my favorites.

Thanks for sharing.
02/28/14
this was an absolute joy to read! I loved every word from start to finish. You have a gift for setting the proper tone in a piece with ease.

Just two "red ink" notes. One, the word you want to use is "pedal" instead of "peddle." Peddle is meant more like selling goods door to door sort of thing. Also, I think you're missing a word or some punctuation in this sentence, "A friend she worked with gave it to her told her to give it to one of her kids..."

Please don't let my tiny notes bring you down, though. I really, really enjoyed this. I felt sorry for Darlene, then Bill, then was happy for everyone and saw them in my mind's eye riding down the road together. Picture perfect.
02/28/14
Always enjoy your articles, and this was no exception. Well written and plenty of descriptive nostalgia. Good job!
03/01/14
Great story that you've related so well, with a few 'cycle'-logical twists.
03/01/14
I was hooked from start to finish! That was so wonderful, very good way of writing this topic!!! I just loved it. :)
Oh you did a fine job with this story. My heart ached for the MC, but I instantly knew Mom was right. Part of me wished she hadn't let the boy get picked on, but the Mom in me knows that usually a boy that age need to find out for himself. After all who listens to Mom? It really was just perfect that way and so realistic.

The bit of red ink I might offer would be to identify Darlene as a gift right off the bat. I had a boy in my head in the beginning. The other would be to start off with the conflict to grab the reader right away. For example I might start it off like this: Our hands grabbed the stick as Bill smirked at me, his little sister. Whenever we had a disagreement, out came the stick...
That's not perfect and I might even describe the wrestling, then when Bill brags, you could explain that was how you settled disagreements and the prize was the bike.

Those are just tiny things though. This story was interesting and fun. I also liked the literal and metaphorical take on the topic. It was clever and out of the box. This is a story I will remember. I also could totally relate to the MC--I have an older brother named Bill. :) Great job!
This may be a fiction story, but I am sure many readers have experienced a very similar situation.

You took the reader on an emotional roller-coaster ride. But in the end we see how much the two siblings loved each other.

There seemed to be a small conflict when you have Darlene saying she was trying hard not to show how happy she was, but in the next sentence she is hugging Bill's neck and thanking him profusely. Just a thought.

Great job!

Dusty
03/05/14
No red ink here. You wrote a delightful, literal Short End of the Stick piece.
03/06/14
Bravo! I love this little story. I thought it was a true story while reading it. Very realistic and believable. You did an excellent job. And congratulations!! On your well deserved win! Your's definitely should have been first.
03/06/14
Congratulations on your second place! Unwillingly or not, you're going to be up in the Masters level soon!
03/06/14
Congratulations Lynn!

I'm over the moon filled with joy at your well deserved win. My friend, you better get your feet ready to move BACK into masters soon! You are a gifted writer, and you write from the heart each and every time!


God bless~
03/06/14
Well done. Great writing. Loved the grace with which she made sure her brother had a bike too.
Congratulations! Loved it!
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 19 overall! Happy Dance!