The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Great story and perfect for the topic. I'd like to see some faith shown at the end by offering the treat!
This is a sweet story. I liked the voice of the MC. I was almost killed by a Shepherd mix and agree with your MC. I prefer to keep all body parts away from any dogs, especially big barking ones.

My main red ink was the beginning was a tad slow. I suspect that this is a true story and think you might have fallen into a common trap. When recounting a memory, things are important in our minds and vivid. The reader, however, doesn't need all those details. I might have started with something like: As a traveling salesman, I had to overcome many perilous encounters, but the huge, ferocious dog known as Ripper made me shake in my loafers.

It's not perfect, but hopefully it creates a picture for the reader and introduces the conflict right away. You have a delightful subtle sense of humor and I'd loved to have seen more of that in the beginning. You definitely covered the topic, both literally and figuratively. Fear can stop us from many things. Who knows Ripper might have become your best buddy. :) That's a great message and a wonderful way to show it without coming off has preachy. You did a nice job. Keep writing for sure!
I enjoyed your story and your brilliant way of bringing the images of the dog to life. I could see it all unfold before my eyes. So, nicely done!

I flinched inwardly though at the thought of "chocolate" being given to a dog, it could "kill" a dog, that and raisins and olives. But that's me, because I am such an animal lover.

Anyhow, back to the story, I thought it was a fantastic read with a perfect blend of levity to pepper and spice it up.

God bless~

I loved your story! It is a winner all the way for me.
So glad it got recognition.

I repeat, I LOVED IT.

God bless~
Congratulations on placing 5th in your level and 17th overall!
I'm a bit slow. I thought your continued ending was from another writer. I liked it and thought it would work well. It wasn't until just now that I realized that it was the author commenting. Be careful about commenting on your own piece until the judging is done just to maintain that anonymity. I do like the ending quite a bit and laughed out loud for real when I read it. I don't know that you needed the last paragraph to summarize the analogy because you did a good job of doing it in your story. Ah, I'm sure if the whole thing had been copied, it may have been in the top ten. Even with part of it missing, you still did a great job. Before you hit submit next time, hit preview. That way you will see the story just like the reader will and it makes it easy to spot spacing problems or other errors. I do quite a bit of editing after I hit preview. There is something about seeing the story in its full format that clicks with me. Again amazing job! This was one of my favorites.