The Official Writing Challenge
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Very interesting story. I was pulled in right away. You definately were on topic.
Good job.
Absolutely absorbing in its descriptive sense of drama. Excellent material with a very sobering close. Well done.
This is a great story on so many levels. I could so empathize with your MC. So many kids who are out on their own for the first time will overindulge. This story reminds parents how important it is to keep talking to your kids about alcohol, drugs and sex. Even "good Christians" can mess up.

I noticed you didn't use a lot of commas. There were places that really needed them. For example: In and out of consciousness she remembered remnants of the day beforeher birthday.
You need to set off the phrase In and out of consciousness, with a comma. This sentence is also an example of telling instead of showing. Just by switching it up a tad, you can do more showing: Remnants of the previous night flashed through her brain, as she slipped in and out of consciousness.
It's a tiny difference but makes the sentence active instead of passive. If you added a moan and perhaps have her blinking her eyes in a futile attempt to remain conscious, that would paint more of a picture too.

You definitely covered the topic in a different and fresh way. You built the conflict and added to it as you sprinkled suspense throughout the story. The ending was sweet too.
I entered into this story from beginning to end. It is well written, even with a few punctuation flaws, and has a lot of raw reality, yet with good taste. Nicely done.
This story was gripping ... it grabbed a hold of me right from the beginning and held on to the very end. This was intense and flow so effortlessly through out. This is excellend writing with an ending that didn't disappointment.
Wow! What a powerful and gripping story. Jarring and penetratingly sobering...the ending jolted my heart.

Nicely done. God Bless~
What a terrific story. It held my interest throughout. The end gave me a bit of jolt, but added to the story rather than took away from it. Continue to write; you certainly have talent.