The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You did a great job showing the other side of fame. It was great how you brought it full circle.

The only thing I might suggest is more showing. Instead of slurring words angrily show what she looked like- the vein in her neck throbbed as her face filled with blood. This was more me but the sentence that started John was stunned as Megan pushed... tripped me up for a minute because my brain wanted to read it like John was a stunned as Megan was.

The ending was great I can so easily picture the MC in a state of undressed trying to convince the cop he "wasn't one of them." The truth of the matter is we are all"one of them" which is why we so desperately need Jesus in our lives. You did an outstanding job illustrating that point. There were also several other messages in this story. I believe that is raw talent when an author can write to a wide audience with a different message for different points in our lives.
I loved the ending. Great last line. This was clever, and so well written. I enjoyed the entire piece. Fabulous job. Thanks.

God Bless~
A good story with a twist at the end. It explores fame from different perspectives.
That enjoyment of being in the spotlight is in most of us, I'm afraid. Good writing.
I like the twist at the end of this tale. Your story is well crafted, but needs just a little fine-tuning to draw you in to the characters feelings (as suggested above).

I really like how this story went, it made me think of how we like to point at others and say we're not like them.

Good story!
This was great! What a wonderful and well put together story that really came full circle at the end. I found myself wanted to know what happened when he got to the police station and envisioned the converstaion to his wife later - the true sign of great writing ... has you wondering about the story after the story. So well done!
Congratulations for ranking 9th in level three!