The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow. I'm literally catching my breath. Looking into this kid's mind is terrifying! The voice was excellent for this narrative tale. The flow was a little rough in a few places - a good smoothing over to tighten up some sentences would make this piece even stronger. Still, as it is, it's FABULOUS!
What a tortured mind you reveal in your mc. I was fooled, at first, to think he actually caused a train to crash; it was creative to show his desire for revenge in a painting. Some haunting sentences here...
Very scary stuff in the whole build-up to "the scene he had created." That line really reeled me in, though I wondered how fleeing to his mother was going to fix him up. And as it turned out, he was fixed up more "easely" than I'd suspected. Still, it's a sign that creativity can emerge from a painful past.
Very well done.
Looking into teenager's lives is a very scary thing. You did a nice job doing just that.
I've read that depicting such thoughts that can run wild in one's head is a good and therapeutic way to expunge them from our selves. I think your story does a good job of reflecting this. I liked, too, the way you told the story from the MC point of view. It gave the reader an intimate (leading to a sympathetic ear)to the young man's life.
great writing and i liked the twists and turns... The oak wood seemed to have many layers of significance and i wondered if you might draw that out.... I am glad he expressed his anger through painting rather than "real life destruction" but you brought out well how revenge can punish the person who is holding the grudges. Glad you moved this on to a hopeful conclusion.
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