The Official Writing Challenge
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This took me in an entirely different direction than I thought you were going. Although it was atad show in the beginning, that helped amplify the danger. The ending also gives one, quite abut to think about what I might do in that situation.
You had my pulse racing - first because I could feel his nervousness (of what I thought would be romantic), then in sudden fear and mystery. I wish I knew more of the story.
I agree with Vonnie: I thought we were in for a romantic interlude and all of a in a different direction. Made me want to know more. Good job.
Well-paced. There were a few places where I felt the telling overshadowed the showing a bit, but great suspense!
And chapter two is coming soon? Well-paced drama, with the twist that I wasn't expecting. As an Aussie, I was looking for a few more "sound-bites" to earth the distinction, but that's a minor point.
I agree, this wasn't what I expected it to be. I wish there had been room for more. I want to know what happens. :) I was also a little unsure of where this scene was situated. I haven't heard of many mobs attacking missions, though I'm sure it can happen.

And congratulations on another Highly Commended article! You're doing great work, and that's a great thing. ;)