The Official Writing Challenge
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You painted a graphic picture of one on the road to hell, saved by the grace of God when he called on Him.
Captivating and intriguing. This was very well-written! A couple of minor typos - nothing to get too worried about.
This is very descriptive and well observed - I found myself praying for this man. I like this very much; even though the setting is dark it is still uplifting. God bless.
Captivating was the word I thought of while reading - but that word has already been taken LOL. But it definitely grabbed my attention and held it. Written very well - it's all in the details, which you painted vividly. I was there with this man throughout his agony-filled last moments.
Nice job.
Blessings, Lynda
Amazing writing. It was painful to read, it was so good. Beautiful ending.
I liked this story for it's realism. Although dreary in ways, it causes one to realize the hope for the hopeless. A light shining through the darkness in the story. So, sad that he couldn't have lived in the end though. God bless ya, littlelight
Very very Good!
Everyone else has already mentioned all of the wonderful things about this piece, so I'll just say that some of your sentences are run-ons; using semicolons or periods would clean it up a bit. This is very minor, though. The story is compelling and very, very well-written.
You painted hopelessness in brilliant color. This is very well done. I enjoyed it and felt it to the bone :)
Excellent capturing the hopelessness of life without Jesus. Good writing too. Leave the brush at home.
Very moving story. Love the descriptions. I could see the scene you painted.
Very vivid descriptions. great writing!
Marvelous poetic imagery in prose, such as the suggestion of the serpent destroyer in "...a curious red swirl snaked through the liquid." Masterful writing! Loved it!
You painted the picture of his surroundings very well. The repetition of 'I care' was very effective. Well done!
A bittersweet story.
I think you did a great job describing the scene by keeping it simple (some have a tendency to get "wordy"). You keep me 'til the end. Great job. Blessings, Amy
Well-written and an accurate description of his physical state. I just wonder about the tenses in the third paragraph - it took me a few minutes to realise that the visit with the doctor was history. A poignant tale well-told.
Dear Dub, Congratulations on your 6th place win in the Editors' Choice. As much as I know you've been pretty critical about this particular entry over the last week, I have to say that it was universally appreciated by all the judges. Feel free to tighten up the areas that you aren't happy with before it goes into the anthology, but the thing is that the story hit its mark and I really do believe that it was a great choice. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Brilliant. Stirs up compassion for your character and all others like him.