The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 794 times
Member Comments
Wow a very powerful entry about the dangers of becoming a parent way too soon. Of course I would have preferred a happy ending, but you gave a possibly quite real one. I hope it makes many people think before getting involved in a relationship before they are ready. Excellent job.
Oh, WOW! What a powerful story about something so tragic. Great writing. The reader can feel the teenage mother's frustration mounting. Sad story - but a great job in writing.
You did a wonderful job of showing your MC's gradually descent from a caring mother to a frustrated immature teenager. Your MC needed a caring mother herself to stand by her side as she walked through the stages of raising little Josiah.
Sad, but unfortunately true in a lot of cases. Overall writing job was good.
A sad story, well portrayed. You asked for red ink. My suggestion would be to dump the last sentence. "She had shaken the crying, and the life out of Josiah." I think the ending would be more powerful with "Never again smile." as the last comment. By the time we've gotten there, we know the baby's dead, and why.
Superb writing all the way through, but such a crushing ending---I wanted things to turn out for the better for both the mother and baby.