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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Ohhh…. (02/04/10)
My blisters reproduced. Their oversized babies grew up when I reached the end of the trees. My muscles started demonstrating back there, too. Their demands are relaxation and more free time.

It’s too hard. You will never reach the summit in time. You are squandering your precious time. You have to stop.

I can’t stop. I must reach the peak by daybreak. The gentle rays of the sun that stroke the jagged rocks and precipes demand my full concentration on my goal. The mountaintop is just what I need.

When I first started out on this journey, my friends called me a fanatic. They laughed at my preoccupation and said life was too short to waste time climbing mountains. They even sabotaged my backpack so I was left with nothing but a water bottle and a book.

You are an idiot to be hiking up that mountain now. There’s nothing up there but snow, rocks, and more rocks. There might be a path, but the only path you will find is dissapointment and death.

True, I might die, but who said my life was worth anything before anyway? I ignored their insults and set out on my way. The lush vegetation at the bottom refreshed me and filled my hunger. The fruit and beautiful flowers wanted me to enjoy them.

You won’t have anything like this once you go up higher. You should just stay and eat all that you see. Something that looks this good must be good for you.

I wandered around there for a couple of hours before I realized why I needed to keep moving. If I wanted to make it up on time, I had to leave all this good food behind. I took just enough to eat a little along the way and pressed forward. Three hours later I took a break in the middle of the trees. The darkness smothered me. As I sipped liquid sugar the darkness pressured me to lay down and rest.

It’s not worth going up to the top. Down here it’s so peaceful and comfortable. Those leaves over there are perfect for a little nap. You can just gather some together and lay your head down. You deserve a rest.

I reminded myself of my objective. Then I gathered myself together and continued up the steep trail.

50 steps away from the top I collapsed. Nerves pulsated in my feet and screamed in agony. My leg muscles pounded out a rhythm of torture and refused to budge another inch.

That’s right, you will never make it to the top. You are a loser.

I put my left hand out in front of my head and dragged my right knee along the rocks. I crept forward one hand and one knee at a time until I reached the cliffside. The rising sun smeared pink and orange across the horizon. A hazy ball fought a path across the heavens. The blue of the early morning sky retreated as the sun pushed its way up and began to embrace the world and me. Ohhh….I am victorious!

You are loved. You are more than a conqueror. You never need to fear what others say. You are mine.
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This article has been read 1250 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Beth LaBuff 
02/15/10
I was holding my breath while reading (as if that could help your MC). You have a great spiritual message in this.
Marijo Phelps
02/16/10
We climb mountains (with a qualifier.... they have to not be mountain goat territory) so I can relate to this piece so very well. and there are always those telling you you are far enough and deep enough with the Lord too but they cannot be right. Great piece and perspective!

Marijo
Amanda Brogan
02/17/10
How many times we are tempted to give up in our spiritual journey, rather than press on for the reward at the end! Great reminder to keep going - to be persistant in all areas of life. Great job at describing your character's pain - KEEP UP THE WRITING!
Mona Purvis
02/17/10
Quite different in many ways. You were able to portray the effort of the MC so well and the little voice within.
Mona
Kristi Peifer
02/17/10
Nicely done. All too often we let the whispers of the evil one derail us or tear us down. I loved how the MC pressed on and was rewarded for having perseverance. Praise God that He has made us more than conquerors!
Author Unknown
02/17/10
it reminded me of the temptation of Jesus in the desert. get behind me you negative thoughts. the story seemed to be written in a way that made it feel like little up's & down's along the way until the final peak- not sure if it was intentional but I think it works. well done :)
Catrina Bradley
02/17/10
Great allegory! You switched tenses here and there - telling the story as a flashback may have contributed to the confusion. :) I think the ending would be better if you have the sunrise "speak" God's words to her, then end with her exclamation of victory. Good job on this one.
Sarah Elisabeth
02/19/10
Yay, Rachel, congrats on your highly commended award!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/03/10
Wow this is incredible. i thought I was the only one who had the horrible self-deprecating thoughts bouncing around in my head. Thank you for helping me realize no matter what I'm not alone. Your work is so helping soothe my battered heart.