The Official Writing Challenge
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I could see your story like I was reading a children's book. We may have doctrinal differences, but this is very clever.
My comment were going to be something entirely different, until I read the previous comment. I am glad that you put the scripture references because "it", (being born again) has nothing to do with your doctrine if it doesn't line of with the Word of God. So, in that light I would have to say, good job!