Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Black (10/15/09)
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TITLE: Into the Darkness | Previous Challenge Entry
By Debra Elliott
10/17/09 -
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I pulled my woolen shawl tightly against my chest and continued on my quest. I had heard the rumors circulating at the town well. I, at twelve was curious. I had to see for myself!
Was the so-called Messiah really in the cave? Was He really dead?
I could fell the dirt and gravel give beneath my bare feet. I must be getting closer to the cave. What would I find?
I inched closer and closer into the pitch-black darkness. My heart beat faster in my chest. I reached the cave without incident. I praised my God, nobody had seen me.
I would be severely punished if caught. The Roman guards would molest me or even worse. My father would disown me. I stumbled and fell. I landed on a rock. It was the cave! The burial cave of Jesus.
I wanted to go inside, but that was impossible. I couldn't move the huge stone that protected the entrance.
I don't remember falling asleep, but I awoke as the sun was coming up in the Eastern sky. The stone was no longer protecting the cave. No guards in sight, so I entered the cave.
A strange feeling entranced me. I felt peace. I don't know if the Messiah had really been in the cave
or the story was only a village rumor, but I went away no longer in the dark.
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Since you had words left over, I would have liked to know more about your narrator. Who is he? What is is relationship to Jesus? What happened next?
Really good application of the topic word.
This is a personal preference, but I also felt this might have benefitted from a present-tense telling. It had an in-the-moment feel, which I found very appealing.