The Official Writing Challenge
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Rhyme meter was very stilted and never did find out who the voice was and overall depressing. Needs work for better flow.
I think you did great work on this poem, that warns what could happen. Some of your allusions are terrific.. work/mistress. Very clever.
"Past choices forgotten had morphed into pain." This sums up the sadness of your poem--well told.
Well told tale which I wished had a happier ending, but I'm afraid many wind up this way. I could feel the man's despair and loneliness. Well done.
What a sad story. But very true for some people. I think you did a good job of helping us "see" it. :)
very well done. sad though, I felt like I was reading my papaw's story. the lines really hit home and were true to life
Your words moved me. There is, indeed, much sadness out there in the world. We write about we see and you did a great job here reflecting a sad reality that hopefully serves as a wake up call for those who still have time to change...nice job.
I thought this poem flowed very well, and despite being so sad...its message was superb. It is an important that some people never hear until it is too late.
Thank you , by the way for your kind words about my entry.
Cathy, I liked your poetry, but how sad. One question that sticks out whenever I read about people's dependency on tobbacco is, what is it they don't understand about the connection between it and cancer.