The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/26/09
Excellent descriptive writing. The details you used made me feel I was there in the rubble with you, and feeling the emotional pain.

I wasn't sure about the ending. Unfortunately the very last paragraph seemed tacked on and did not flow well from the main story. It was lovely to know it all ended happily, but it didn't fit with what went before. Don't feel you need to tie up all the loose ends to finish the story. You were writing about the tornado, and that was a totally valid story. You weren't telling your whole life story (who can in 750 words eh?!).

This entry would be an excellent devotional to use in a Bible talk about keeping our eyes fixed on what is above, or making sure our treasure is in heaven. It is just a perfect illustration of those important truths. Very well done!