The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
05/07/09
This is a powerful and moving story. You did a splendid job humanizing Lenny and building up to Jeremy's "moment of truth." Well done!
Very well done, with a powerful message. It's amazing how just one wrong choice can have such huge consequences.
05/08/09
This is a gripping tale, so well written. You crafted the characters amazingly, especially considering the word count limit--you drew the reader in to identify with both characters. Very well done.
Wow. A powerful entry with a great message. I love your character development. One *tiny* thing... In view of his filming the documentary, I kind of wondered why you had Jeremy in the KYDD radio station van instead of a television station vehicle. But that's a very minor point in a great story! Thanks for sharing this!
05/11/09
Strong story-telling. Believable. Prison is full of people with regrets, many who have turned to Christ. Good entry.
Mona
Well told, well paced and powerful in its delivery. Also a very creative way to tell this story and have it stick in one's mind. I could visualize everything that was happening.
Well done!
Very well written. I could see the painful regret of Lenny and the heart change of Jeremy. Well done.
05/12/09
Extremely powerful characterisation. The confession of the prisoner was very believable, not at all forced and had me gripped along with Jeremy.
I'd have left out the line about being under orders to be 'in and out'. It was a distraction, and may cause casual readers (if you can read this casually?) to think that was all the story had to do with the topic. For the same reason I'd not have used bold on the IN crowd. Let the reader look for the connections; in crowd, in prison, never getting out...
The last line was very poignant and a great way to finish.
05/12/09
Very emotional. I've thought about this very thing many times and wondered about how circumstances could be different based on stupid, bad choices. You really sparked my interest with your writing. Good job!
You have a great story here--Atmosphere, suspense, strong characters, emotion, good description--all well done.
Ok, I'm not seeing anything. I liked this. Would love to see/read more;maybe a twist (it turns out the cop was shot by another and this guy was the fall-guy.)

Sorry, my brain is getting away from me...
05/12/09
This was incredibly powerful...gripping and intense. Wow. Well done!
Oh, my. What a bold piece to get me thinking this morning. This is well done.
WOW! WELL DONE!
05/13/09
Gripping. The crispness/language of the confession was perfect. I was a little confused as to why Jeremy was called soldier (or was that someone else???) Very well written and creative (with an important, real life lesson).
05/13/09
Gripping story that had me interested from beginning to end.
As a prison employee, it's hard to set aside my "work-mode" but I thought the story was well written. You'd be surprised how often this scenario happens for real. Nice job.
05/13/09
I'm with everyone else, this was a well-written story with a strong plot and characterization. Well done!
05/14/09
Wow... I get to be the first to say CONGRATULATIONS, my friend!!! Very well done!!
Proud of you and happy dancin' with you! Congratulations.
This was a well-deserved win, my friend! Congratulations! How many EC's does this make? YOur writing is masterful to me, so...
05/14/09
Congratulations on your placement, and on your EC! Well done.
Wow! Outstanding in every way! Congratulations on a very well deserved EC placement!!
My heart went out to the prisoner in this story, which means you did your job well. Congratulations!