The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/05/09
This is truly a winner. One can only imagine what that was like, but you have done a terrific job. Only a gifted mind could tell this story so vividly.
03/05/09
I like your realistic portrayal of the wife's disgruntledness with Jerry's hotel choice; I also liked the subtle sarcasm of calling the walk a "healthy amenity." Vivid descriptions and great attention to detail. I was expecting the water to hit the restaurant...and add to Mom's terror. The most haunting line? ....Why?
03/05/09
Another geat story that draws you in from the beginning. The fear that the mother felt was so real to me. I know that I asked the same question, why...
03/08/09
You did a great job drawing the reader in from the start--and keeping the intensity building.

Some of your sentences were quite long. The "feel" of the story might work better with shorter sentences.

Very good story-telling, and nice job with the topic.
03/08/09
Very realistic! You portrayed very vividly what it would be like to be caught in that terrible disaster.
03/08/09
Oooo, this got quite intense! I too found the last line very moving. Well done!
03/09/09
Wow! You succeeded in raising my heart-rate and respirations! Where you really there? If this is fiction you did a fantastic job writing this!
03/09/09
This turned from lighthearted to deadly serious very smoothly and without a hiccup. Great descriptions of the carnage caused by the tsunami. The ending is especially moving, and I like it, but I felt it ended too abruptly (even tho I did like it.)
03/09/09
Oh man. Wow. That's all you get. You said it all already:) Great job!
As a mother I can truly identify with the mother's panic. Well done on a powerful story and a tragic event.
Riveting. Great job!
I love your story. It reminds me of God's provision and leading, even in the little details of life.
03/09/09
This was very well done in its descriptive detail, especially in the ways the bodies were hurled about. Well done in "taking us" to that most tragic time and event.
I found myself holding my breath as the story progressed.

Did this actually happen to you and your family or is it purely a work of fiction? Either way, Connie, you did a great job in the telling.
03/09/09
Awesome story! To be honest I could not tell if it was indeed a 'story' or was it real?

Not only did I enjoy it, but I learned from it as well. I am a beginner, and one question I had was how to identify time shift to the reader between past and present. Your use of asterisks showed me a way of changing the time frame. Thanks!
03/10/09
This is amazing. Vivid descriptions! I was rooted til the end!
03/11/09
Good job--as soon as I saw the destination and the date, I thought "oh, no..." You captured the horror well.

Maybe it was a little bit too "tell-y" toward the middle?

Love the ending of this story--you struck just the right note.
03/11/09
Wow - SO intense. The descriptions, especially of the tsunami's effects, were very vivid. Good stuff!
03/13/09
Wow - the descriptions of her view, the destruction, the power were intense - brutal even.