The Official Writing Challenge
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You kept my attention all the way through. Good job.
I was really hoping they would take Arianna back with them. Too bad.
Lovely writing!
What atmosphere in this piece...very relaxed and authentic. Well done!
Through all the interesting bits of information you presented you tied the thread of a little girl's yearning for a mother. Beautiful story.
This is so beautiful and vivid, with so many layers of meaning. I do so want to imagine that Arianna visited again soon, or perhaps took the little girl to America for a visit... though the traditional papa may be ambivalent about this. Anyway, a beautiful story--and I'd really like to know what happened afterwards!
This simply, but expertly, written tale evokes such strong emotions! You gently introduce us to the region and culture through the eyes of your MC, but her time and her bond with her aunt is clearly the heart of the story. Ooh, I love this one!
Heart wrenching, but beautiful. Such simple observations and events, but they just come alive - a sure sign of wonderful writing.
Great entry. I also wanted Arianna to go to America. Good writing. Tugged at the oldl heart strings.
You asked for specific comments, so here goes: this is a charming and deceptively simple tale of love and loss. At first I found the paucity of description a little disappointing, but then I read it again and understood that the narrator is a young girl and she wouldn't naturally feel the need to describe everything around her. Likewise the abbreviated style fits well with the age of the child, flitting as it does from one subject to another. Where I would reasonably criticise the paucity of description is with regard to Ariana's physical description: aside from her having smooth hands, we don't hear if she's tall, slim, tanned, beautiful, buxom, etc. Neither is it clear if she is herself Hispanic or of another race. I rather suspect that these facts should have featured more strongly in the description. But, hey, I'm nitpicking. It's lovely and sweet and all that. Definitely a strong feel good factor. I tend to write stuff that's far too dark! And by the way I'm glad she wasn't invited to go to America - your little girl belongs right there in the bosom of her family.
Very well done! A terrific little story in its own right. Congratulations on your high commendation.
Hey there--I've chosen this outstanding entry to be featured on the Front Page Showcase for the week of June 22. Look for it on the FaithWriters home page--and congratulations!
Ohhh, I loved this - have done missionary work in Guatemala and Mexico and you captured this totally from that little girl's heart!
Congrats on being in the Showcase! This story deserves to be there. I loved it all over again. :D Cat