The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/29/09
Your writing is so descriptive...I feel like I am right there. What a creative mind you have. You had me from beginning to end.
01/30/09
I'd brave the cold for just the comfort of the feather bed and comforter! I think too many of us ignore those "gut feelings," not realizing how close we come to much different endings to our stories. That this ending was "bittersweet" only heightens how precious His gift of life is.
01/31/09
Very good job with the sensory details that really put your reader on the scene.

The title kind of gives away your ending, which I didn't anticipate otherwise.

Really strong entry!
02/02/09
I really love the last 5 paragraphs. They are snappy and tight. I feel you are in your element and therefore as the reader so am I, and I am just there.

Now - using phrases like
"prisoner to a slumbering coma." is to me overkill and actually takes me out of the story. All you want to say is - I had a good sleep! :)
Don't try too hard. :) That's my opinion.

Good story. Yay Jeff! :)
02/03/09
Oh wow, such a bittersweet story. I think you did well with this. You captured my attention and held it throughout the story.
Excellent entry. You hooked me from start to finish!
Good drama! Had me on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next! Nice surprise with Jeff!
02/04/09
I also enjoyed this entry. You kept the story moving along very nicely and pulled me in. Good job.
02/05/09
Great story! I realize it's set in Scotland, but the topic didn't weave into the story very strongly. Nevertheless, the story is well done and you definitely have a way of drawing the reader in.