The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/21/08
Good allegory--I think teen boys would really go for this action-packed story.

Even though you mention "charade", I'm not sure how it fits the story.

This would make a great graphic novel!
08/25/08
Very good job. I like the light and dark aspects of this story. Good descriptions and full of action. Nicely done.
08/27/08
A lot of action and excitement! However, it seems to be missing something - maybe specifics? I think you were trying to keep the actual "battleground" vague until closer to the end to build suspense and give an element of surprise, but in doing so, left out too much that could have added meat and substance. Of course, that's just my opinion.

The charade, as I see it, is that Blackguard actually still thinks he can win this war!! We see it as a charade because we know the Victor. Yes?

Your writing is very clever, full of great descriptions and emotion. And of course I love a happy ending. :) Cat
08/28/08
I agree with Jan: this would make a great graphic novel! I really enjoyed this action packed adventure, and would love to read more of them.
08/30/08
Ever since hearing the word "obsequious" it's been a favorite. I think it's great you used it in your story. *thinking how I can use that word sometime* :) You've woven a detailed story with an ending that fills us with hope.