The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 922 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/22/08
You capture well the experience of stroking the fur, not only the texture but also the delight. I found the last paragraph provided excellent closure and especially liked the idea about the need to cuddle and hold being born in us in Eden. I was a little confused at the beginning of the "white" section, maybe from the switch to present tense for that one verb. Seemed a bit of a leap from the excellent description of Mama putting on her face. One of my favorite lines was "For now, he was hers; his length curved around her shoulders, bushy tail snuggled near her face" especially when you followed up with Mama having it as hers for the time being.
05/23/08
Usually descriptive adjectives and adverbs lend to a piece, but I found the use of so many distracting. Sometimes it's just best to say what you mean without all the dressing. The best part was the end when you brought it back to the title and His Glory.
You have a gift with desciption. I especially liked the way your tied your ideas together at the end
05/27/08
This is a fine example of narrative poetic prose. It is very rhythmic, tactile, and visual. It reads like a story, but it is poetry. Rather than focus on the action of the story, this work emphasises the feelings of the story. Emotional impact is always the measure of poetry.

I suggest a little smoothing of the child's dialogue. I stumbled a bit there. Some word choices I felt were more advanced yet there were also simple words missing. I was hearing "Rugrats" characters. They pair up intelligent words with missing words, and the effect is very cute and comical.

This is fine for them, but for this example of your work, it seems the effect you are going for is deeper than cute and comical.

I'm also not seeing where your title came from. These are many memories that cause you to glorify god, but linking reflexions with memories strikes me as cliche'. Perhaps you could take another shot at the title.

This is fabulous work! A few minor adjustments, and it will be over-the-top!
05/27/08
I do just want to add that I do see how these pets revealed some aspect of God's character to you. That is truly an amazing thought!