The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 988 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/10/08
Ah yes!... Growing up I shared a room with my sister… but not in the way you describe. :) I love this, "They traded hand slaps and kung fu kicks for at least ten minutes before they sensed a disturbance in the force." Your entry is so creative… it took me just a minute to figure out what was happening. Wonderful work on this. I love it!
Chely this was great! Nothing weak about this one girl! I laughed out loud at "before they sensed a disturbance in the force." You totally had me fooled until the description of Mommy's tummy.
I loved the voice of the twins - just perfect. Hmm I have a feeling you might just be writing from experience :)
Great job, very well done. I loved it.
05/12/08
I like the way you describe the details. Readers of this story must however be careful to read through the entire story and not missed the word 'waterbed', otherwise they may need a little while before discovering what is going on. The feeling you've tried to create at the end when you wrote 'Where is she?' came through very well. I can feel the tension before the story ends with a delightful sense of relieve. Good writing!
05/12/08
This was so different and so good. I had to stop and get my bearings a time or two but that's because it was so well-written it kept me on my toe! Kudos!
05/12/08
Extremely clever, Chely!
05/12/08
Awesome Chely! You always write the most awesome pieces! Love it!
Laury
05/12/08
OKay, Blonde here. Had to read it twice to "get it," but Wowzer! This is absolutely incredible! Funny, clever, creative and extremely well-written. Well done!
Creative..sounded real..kept me guessing..cincher of an ending..over all spellbinding entry.
05/12/08
I love it when writers throw in a nice creative twist and this one done it. I had to read it again to catch the details I missed - like the deflating pillow - LOL. And then my fav part was the description of your belly - "giant pale mountain, donned with blue veined streams and topped with a protruded turkey popper at its pinnacle" You have a great sense of humor. I totally related, especially with the Kung Fu moves.
Wonderful!! I love it. And you had me fooled till AFTER you started describing mummy's tummy.
Cute peek on the other side of the wall. Very creative entry.
Wow! I'll admit that I started to get confused towards the end, but then I stopped and re-read and saw how very clever this was! I was picturing two 6 year old girls playing in a water bed, but these girls were much younger and in a totally different kind of water bed. Awesome way of surprising the reader! So clever!
heehee! So creative here, this is definitely a different POV on these sisters! I loved the title and especially the end. Great job! ^_^
05/14/08
VERY clever and fun - didn't catch on for a bit. Must have been a fun piece to write for sure, Chely. :)
05/16/08
The twins being comforted by the mother walking got me thinking. What an amusing perspective of twins in the womb. The 'aliens' connection reminded me of my little ones sticking their knees, elbows and feet against their petite mother's midriff.
05/16/08
You never cease to amaze me. What an imagination! Brilliantly done.